Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
