Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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