A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
