I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
