Whod you bang
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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