There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
