k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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