she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
