nut hugger
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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