So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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