You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
