Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i out mim tonsoeep
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
