I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
