He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
