I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
