I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
