I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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