I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
