i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
