u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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