Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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