I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
