a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
