Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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