put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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