"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
