he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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