I accidentally had phone sex last night
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you didnt know i had herpes?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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