good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
