the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
