Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
