All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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