I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
