I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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