just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
