Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
