ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
