I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
