it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
