if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
