Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
