My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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