why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
