her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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