So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
