So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
