i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
