Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
