i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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