Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
