You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
