I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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