they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
