i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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