Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
