Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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