get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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